Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Hyberbolic Art

Remember in elementary school, every once in a blue moon the “art lady” would come in wheeling her little cart of goodies and we cleared our desks and had art? I always loved it but somehow I never got it right. “Today we’re going to paint a cow”. She’d pass out paper and paints and brushes and she’d tell us all about cows and that kind of thing. Her talking was sort of the way adult language is represented in “Peanuts”. Once I had my paper and those lovely paints and those big fat brushes I was off and running. I started to draw a cow but somehow it turned into a cat. I was from the city and although I never owned a cat, I had much more experience of cats than of cows. I could never do a cow’s nose because I had no idea what a cow’s nose looked like. I could do a cat’s nose. It was pink. And there were whiskers and ears and a lovely long tail. Art lady would move up and down the aisles and bend over and say things to the kids but when she got to me there was that sigh. There was always a sigh. “Weren’t we painting cows?” she’d ask.
“Well, this is a cat cow.”
“A cat cow?”
“Yeah, well you see cats live alone in the country without people and so they need to get milk by themselves so they have cat cows that they get their milk from and this is one of those.”
I wasn’t sellin’ it. I was only in the second grade.
Well, the Fiber Arts Guild had their monthly meeting and the subject was hyperbolic crochet. You have seen Knit’s example. She even has beads on hers!
I never was good at crochet and after a while mine wasn’t curving. We started by increasing every 5th stitch and then after a row or two, every 4th stitch and then every 3rd stitch and so on. I was getting a very flat yellow thingie. It occurred to me that if I went right to increasing every stitch, I would get wavy stuff happening and so I did and I did.
After a while I had a wavy yellow rim around a yellow flat thing. I was bored. So I started a purple thingie and I started increasing every stitch right from the start. It was cute and it waved all over the place and after a while it sort of fit right into the center of the yellow thingie. So I put it there and stitched it there. Well the art lady came around and said “Weren’t we doing hyperbolic crochet like the lovely coral in the warm waters of the ocean?”
“Well, you see, the coral reefs are just giant apartments sort of for the little critters that the bigger critters eat and they live in these apartments that look sort of like Miami Beach because they’re all pastel colors and the apartments all have ocean views with lots of sunlight coming in so some of the critters put flowers in their ocean view windows and this is one of those.”
Am I sellin' it?

No comments: